This Opinion & Analysis article in today’s edition of the government owned Zimbabwe Herald was just so outlandish and ridiculous it had me rolling around with laughter the entire time I was reading it. Its sheer lack of respect for truth is mind blowing. The way in which it twists events, facts, fiction, public opinion, and Dells own words and actions in such a way as to defend, support, and even lionise Robert Mugabe and his cronies is simply breath taking. Its propagation of factoids and appeals to truthiness is overbearing.
If I did not know any better I would have sworn that this article was a satirical piece written for a comedy sketch. So for your entertainment I have submitted the article below and added in my own comment in the [ ].
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Dell missed only by MDC
By Isdore Guvamombe
NOBODY can fight time and reality for that will be akin to impish attempts to paint the air.
So US ambassador Christopher William Dell, who left Zimbabwe last Saturday, found out as he ended up sneaking out without bidding farewell to President Mugabe.
[ Dell hardly “sneaked out” Mugabe and every one else knew full well that his term on the diplomatic staff in Zimbabwe for the US was up and that he was being recalled back to Washington]
Progressive Zimbabweans will remember Dell as an evil man who sponsored the petrol-bombing of innocent men, women and children; an evil man who sought to remove the wheels from the Zimbabwean economy in his attempt to embellish his reputation as Uncle Sam’s Mr Fix-it.
[If a “progressive Zimbabwean” is some one who has complete distain for the rule of law, human rights, the welfare of the average Zimbabwean and is in the pocket of president for life Robert Mugabe; then yes they will remember Dell as an evil man]
The scars Dell left in Zimbabwe are too raw to forget. Remember the gory pictures of the two female police women petrol-bombed by suspected MDC youths in Marimba?
[There is absolutely no evidence that Dell was involved, in any way, in the petrol bombings. There is evidence, however, of Mugabe’s cronies in the Central Intelligence Organisation of being involved in the bombings so as to dirty the name of the MDC and to give them an excuse to crack down on them further]
Good riddance to bad rubbish, Dell has gone to Hell where he belongs.
[If you call being called away to the United States, a first world country, and away from the living ‘hell’ of Mugabe’s Zimbabwe moving back to Hell then I would rather be in Hell thank you very much]
His time was up after three years of failing to understand Zimbabwe’s political vectors as he desperately sought to break President Mugabe’s resistance to British and American regime change tactics.
What baffles many is that hardly two days before Dell’s departure a schooled diplomat from Russia, Ambassador Oleg Scherbak, bade farewell to President Mugabe after completing his mission.
[Not a good example, it is no secret that the Russian government are not the biggest believers in human rights in this world]
As expected, the battered and bruised Dell did not have the courage to face his nemesis, and stole out like a common thief following the footsteps of Sir Brian Donnelly, the British spy who also found the going tough in Zimbabwe.
[“stole out like a common thief” as apposed to Mugabe and his cronies are actively behaving like common thieves raping their own country and stealing from the average Zimbabwean so as to stay in power]
After coming to Zimbabwe as warmongers masquerading as diplomats, we were not shocked when Dell and Donnelly flouted diplomatic etiquette by sneaking out of the country without bidding their host farewell.
[Mugabe flouted diplomatic ‘etiquette’ fare more seriously when he threatened Dell and threw him in prison]
Maybe we expected too much, honey comes from bees, not flies!
[This is so true, especially when Mugabe is the fly]
Dell came to Harare a dragon breathing the fire of misplaced regime change and intoxicated with the destruction he wrought on the Yugoslavs. He, however, left a humbled man with egg all over his face.
[So is that how Mugabe’s thugs refer to some one who is moving up in the world?]
It was easy for the Government to beat Dell at his game because the cowboy was so myopic; he always tipped his hand.
[Unlike Mugabe’s way of doing things, which involves electricity, your testicals, and a meat hook.]
Dell, like many Americans, seems to have been socialised into believing that he was mightier than other people as he thought Zimbabwe should be governed in the manner he saw fit.
[If you think governing in such a way as to create a 85% unemployment rate, a life expectancy of 38 years (down from 60 just 10 years ago) and an economy that has imploded faster than any country not at war in living memory, is a good way of governing; then I guess Dell was wrong to criticise the Mugabe government]
After taking his destructive antics to every facet of Zimbabwean life in an impish attempt to effect illegal regime change, Dell must have found it difficult to accept that he had failed.
[The only thing illegal in this context is Mugabe regime not changing.]
But excuse me Mr Fix-it, Zimbabwe is not Kosovo let alone Luanda or Maputo.
[So true, it is much worse.]
President Mugabe is not Slobodan Milosovic; he is not Mohamed Siad Bare.
President Mugabe is the greatest son of Africa, a political grandmaster whose gamesmanship, antics, vision and wisdom have left not only Dell but also generations of imperialists wondering what hit them.
[If Mugabe is Africa’s “greatest son” then I would hate to see what Africa’s worst son would be like.]
From the day he took over from Joseph Sullivan in 2004, Dell dabbled in opposition politics as if he were Zimbabwean.
Admitted, Dell was on a mission to clandestinely effect illegal regime change in Zimbabwe but the failure of his project frustrated him so much that he could no longer hide his intentions, he was so pathetic. What a sore loser!
[Dell never lost, he has helped expose Mugabe’s evil regimen and economic mismanagement time and time again, and this has angered Mugabe as his cronies, such as the author of this article.]
In June 2004 Dell, just nine days after Tony Blair told the world that he was pursuing regime change in Zimbabwe, appeared before a US Congressional hearing and laid bare his agenda:
"If confirmed (as ambassador to Zimbabwe) I would continue the efforts of our government in seeking Zimbabwe’s re-emergence as a country with a legitimate democratically elected Government that reflects the rule of law and human rights . . .’’
[The author seems to be criticising any attempt for Zimbabwe to have a “legitimate democratically elected government”]
Three years down the line, Dell left Harare a wreck of nerves, his much-vaunted reputation as America’s "Mr Fix-it’’ in tatters.
[Dell is viewed as a hero be many in Zimbabwe and abroad and he never had a reputation as a “Mr Fix-it”]
He came riding on the bloody legacy of military excursions that ranged from the "accidental" bombings of Kosovar Maternity Ward and civilian buses on the streets of Belgrade, to infinite hiccups in Mozambique and Angola’s civil wars and tried to apply the same in Harare.
[This is a wonderful example of cherry picking facts]
He tried to relive his experiences in Kosovo and Belgrade on the streets of Highfield and Glen Norah; his hand was evident in the bombings at Sakubva and Marimba police stations.
[The only evident hand in those bombings was Mugabe’s]
Due to Dell’s desperation, innocent men, women and children suffered permanent injuries. They lost property and they will never forget him for his terrorism.
[Just substitute Mugabe for Dell in this line and it would be factually correct]
After the Government thwarted that violence, Dell hatched more plans, this time on the price hikes using his so-called Fishmongers.
As prices skyrocketed Dell continued with his provocative, combative and confrontational approach issuing statements to the effect that the Government would be on its knees within six months. When Government once again closed that front, Dell was left clueless, with no time on his hands to organise anything else; he stole out like a spy coming from the cold.
[The only one responsible for the price hikes and inflation was Mugabe by paying for every thing by simply printing more money and bankrupting businesses that could produce foreign currency earning for Zim.]
In October 2005, Dell trespassed into a restricted security zone at the Botanical Gardens in an apparent attempt to provoke a diplomatic row. A year later, he walked out of a meeting in which the Government had invited him and other diplomats, before the meeting had even started. It was a very undiplomatic, rude thing to do.
[What is a restricted security zone doing in the middle of a public botanical garden?]
Dell used to hold secret meetings with the opposition and its allied groups. Fine, it was his right to associate but he never walked out of any of their meetings because those involved were American puppets.
[That’s because, unlike the government, they were concerned about the plight of Zimbabwe to some extent.]
Dell’s subversive activities brought untold suffering on innocent people, but he was undeterred since no American could be injured in Highfield, Glen View or Sakubva, no American policeman could be petrol-bombed at Marimba or Sakubva police stations.
The cruel man has gone and will not be missed except, maybe, by the MDC and Morgan Tsvangirai.
[And the rest of Zimbabwe’s population with the exception of Mugabe and about 5000 of his cronies]
The Herald website: http://www.herald.co.zw/
